“In the Beginning…”
Seminary and Afterwards
Why I Left
Will of God
Consciousness in the Form of Ken Pollinger
Our Father: Ineffable Original Intelligence
II. Synchronistic Webs
The New Age Center
“At the End…”
First, there was play.
Then great sex.
Sex became good and less,
Midlife, money raised its ugly head.
Now, only Enlightenment appeals.
Mature thoughts fascinated,
The body weakened.
Now, no-thought witnesses emotion.
The Unmanifest reigns.
Theologies yielded faith,
Science established factual "reality."
Transcending these three,
Enlightenment is the Now.
No speculation, no faith, no facts -
Many were the things that
Yet all brought disillusionment.
Now-only The One Reality does it.
How about you?
As a young innocent, I
As an adolescent I loved girls.
Entering the seminary, I loved God.
In marriage, I loved wife and children.
Living presently in the Now, the One Lover loves
all of these through me
So, what happened to the "I"?
wine, women, sports,
Subsequent evaluation with
Judeo-Christian God substitution.
Yielding to Yoga, Zen and mystical paths.
Terminating in Conscious awareness
To what end? Awakening Being-Consciousness
in self and others.
The power of Eternal Now.
Peels off the onion-like egoic layers.
To reveal the Pearl
of the Heart of Awareness.
Finally, Freedom is
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The Seminary and Afterwards
Before the seminary, I lived it up: Little character.
During the seminary, my self was re-characterized.
I loved the Christ.
In Peru, questions arose
Theology in Mexico provided more.
A Dark Night of the Soul yielded Jesuitical departure.
Sociology/social revolution my passion became
In Teaching "Publish or Perish" did me in again
Marriage and children filled a void--for awhile.
Then, I loved Buddha.
Like Christ, he, too, had to die.
Workshops, reading and experiences
showed the way.
Through Gestalt I learned to play.
Not. "Cogito, ergo sum,"
but, "I Feel, therefore I am."
Four books read together
(McKenna. Nadeen, and Tolle)
Finally created the synthesis.
Understanding is all!
Now to practice Presence.
Be here now!
entered the Jesuit Seminary in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 1956 & left
years teaching in Arequipa, Peru.
Dark night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross, or as Christ said,
“Father, why hast thou forsaken me” — abandonment, despair,
depression, etc. McKenna’s first step: total disillusionment with
receiving the Doctorate from Fordham University, Ken was a college
professor in a few universities. Even though hired to teach, one must publish in order to advance in his/her career.
Catholic Establishment’s version of Christ was deconstructed and
like Buddha was only a pointer, “If you meet Buddha on the road,
famous dictum by Descartes: “I think, therefore I am” probably
led us in wrong direction of extreme intellectuality. Spinoza’s
thesis is presently coming to the fore.
note of Special
Thanks on the
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While taking my daily walk on the Hudson Rivertrail in Nyack, an Edgar
Casey-like enlightened friend, Jack Rosen, appeared and said he read my
"poems" straight through - "yet you didn't say why you
left" The following verses arose very quickly.
Why I Left
To leave the Jesuits,
My vocation, to deny?
Two years to decide.
Another Dark Night of the Soul
To hell condemned?
Dantés Inferno to taste?
In Peru, as missionary.
Social injustice the Church supporting!
Vatican II, doors opening wide.
Yet in Spanish Peru, doors still shut.
Doctrines to preach, untenable to hold.
Philosophical/theological confusion abounds.
Raping nuns in my dream-time2.
Surely sex cannot be sinful!
Women suppressed: obedient to their husbands
as the Church is obedient to Christ.
Vow of poverty, yet live sumptuous lives
Best of food/alcohol substitutes for sex.
Many fellow priests drinking problems had.
Homosexual-type temptations not unusual.
is the key!
The Will of God through superiors made known.
A fourth solemn Vow of Obedience to the Pope,
the final straw became.
Breaking the trance-like Church
Infallible dogmas - yet theological debates
about almost everything: conservatives
versus liberals, with some between.
Ultimately, faith is demanded, or ...?
Slow progression from outside
to gradual inward questioning.
Till the outside collapses, and what remains?
The Kingdom of God/Goddess is within.3
- Early balding accelerates
without sexual activity!
- After leaving and being
married with two children, I still dreamt that I was in the Jesuits
for about 18 years. Only a hands-on-healing by Father Bruni stopped
- Not the traditional God of
the Hebrews (Yahweh), the Christians (God, the Father plus God, the
Holy Spirit, plus God, the Son: Jesus Christ) and the Muslims
(Allah), but rather the God beyond God: Pure Consciousness, with its
masculine and feminine principles.
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The Will of God
Before the Jesuits, the
will of God, no thought.
As a Jesuit, the will of God through obedience,
superiors, manifest became.
Through the Catholic Church, ultimately, of course.
As an ex-Jesuit, the
will of God how know?
Prayer: "Show me Your will." "Help"
Then came Conversations with God1
"Your will is my will, says God!"
But how can this
insignificant finite being
its will that of God, be?
To fathom difficult!
Answer: Go deep inside, through meditation
to the innermost core and listen:
to Presence, Silence, Stillness2
The will of God (a.k.a.: Consciousness, Ineffable
Original Intelligence3) will emerge
For the Kingdom of the Goddess is within.
Just think: the All
Powerful, to accomplish
my will offers all, neutrally
watching what happens.
Truly, can it be? My will is the will of God?
Such freedom no one has ever seen.
- Conversations with God,
Book I, by Neale Donald Walsch. See Books II and II also.
- Stillness Speaks, by
- See my poem "Our Father:
Ineffable Original Intelligence"
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- To You, oh Ground of Being,
The Formless Void,
All gratitude belongs.
- To Thou, Original Energy,
Blessed are Your names.
- To the Unconditioned,
How deep Thou art!
- To the God of all religions,
May every Direction offer thankfulness.
- To You, Love and Compassion,
Heart of hearts,
How appreciated art Thou!
- To the Nameless, Whose Essence is Existence,
Oneness, Divine Light.
My Friend. My Father/Mother.
Breathe through me and all beings.
Manifest Your Will within my freedom.
Such is my gratitude.
- Thy Essence is my essence.
Even though "delusive appearance" conceals it.
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"Consciousness" in the Form of Ken Pollinger
Sleep till wake up - delicious!
The New York Times, a great breakfast.
Frequent meditation relaxes and deepens
Small chores pull me outside.
Some days I walk to the bank
Depositing various rental/retirement checks.
Hard work - not even breaking a sweat
A weekly bodywork session helps!
At times, audio car trips to the Point of Infinity,
Creative carpentry and minor tasks
provide fun challenges
Stretching out on the chaise lounge in sun restores
Relishing the majesty of trees,
and the silence within and without.
The computer calls periodically.
Visiting Nirvana (Bookstore) to review events
Creating new programs for the New Age Center.
And reading, reading, reading.
How I love to read!
Yet no-mind is more important,
Understanding is all.
Many small happenings to describe
But it's the larger picture that counts
Not the phenomenal, but the Essential world
is where the action is.
The action of surrender and acceptance to what is, as is.
Living in the Now!
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The Traditional Our Father
Who art in Heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
Ken's Our Father: Ineffable Original Intelligence
Who exists inside and outside the Void
Nameless One, Blessed Thou art
Gratitude for the Grace that allows us to
experience Thy Presence
We joyfully accept Thy intentions for
all sentient beings
On every dimension in all spaces and
May we constantly open to Thy unifying
Help us to transcend our fabricated self-
concepts and our individuated
Just as we offer unconditional presence
to others in like manner
Send us the courage to face our blessed
And thanks, always, for Thy desire
to bring us back into Thy Space
OUR FATHER: ALAHA, Absolute Beingness
Alaha, Absolute Beingness and Infinite Selfhood
along with The Logos and The Holy Spirit
Who lives inside our Divine Spirit-Soul-Ego-Self
and everywhere in all the noetical, noetic, psychical
and gross material places of existence.
Blessed be Thy Beingness, unmanifest and manifest.
May we awaken to our own Divine nature,
and assist this awakening in those in ignorance,
on every dimension in all space-time and beyond.
May we continually use the Mind Supersubstance
to create human-in-nature angelic elementals
and dissolve every negative elemental.
Assist us in transmuting our present personalities into our
permanent personalities so that we may be of service and healing.
May we practice our daily exercises thereby mastering
our Mind-Light Vitality, while fulfilling our Seven Promises.
Gratitude to Thee, always, for leading us back to our Divine nature,
and for humanizing the God-man Joshua Immanuel
as the Way, the Truth and the Light, along with all the
Archangels of the elements.
Holy, Holy, Holy, our Life, our Love.
For information on Daskalos:
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NOTE: I recently had an
experience of misunderstanding that really shook up my "foundation".
Over time my groundedness deoended upon
mother, Jesuits, female relationships, wives,
children, friends, work, studies, jogging
Now walking, bodywork and nature helps
- Periodic feelings of ungroundedness
How will I survive?
Fear, abandonment, despair, confusion, anxiety arise --
not for long, thankfully
Consciously secure and stable
But unconsciously? How deep must one go?
- Practicing the Presence
Allows deep-seated unconscious arisings
Offering intellectual/emotional insight into Beingness
Entering the Void with fear and trembling
Yet delighted with fulfillment, not emptiness
- The invisible, indestructible,
joyously comes forward, however tentatively
Yielding a grounded Knowingness
that dispels The Cloud of Unknowing
Leaving a felt-awareness of Oneness
Experiencing my existence/essence
prior to mind/ego identification1,
prior to this form before you.
If only it would last!
- Stilling the mind
Allows Being to be felt
Pointing the way to experience THAT --
which is beyond all mental images2
- In my existence/essence, I AM THAT.
1. See chapter 3, "Ego, Strength and Egolessness," in Toward a
Psychology of Awakening: Buddhism, Psychotherapy and the Path of Personal
and Spiritual Transformation, by John Welwood
2. Beyond the concepts/images of "God" and even of the more neutral
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